AsidesFood & Drink

Patton Oswalt on alcohol and flying

By January 4, 2008 No Comments

And while we are on the subject of drinking, here’s Patton Oswalt:

Southwest Airlines.
No more. I’m done. That’s it.
“Ladies and gentlemen, there’s a passanger with a young child who would like to be able to sit with her. As we are a very crowded flight, if there are two passengers who’d be willing to move so they could sit together –”
“Ma’am? We’ll move.”
“That was so nice of you guys. I can offer you free alcoholic beverages for the duration of the flight.”
The two guys who moved (FOR THE ENTIRE THIRTY-EIGHT MINUTE FLIGHT): “Aw yeah! Fuck yeah, ma-hun! Free booze! Par-tay! (etc. etc.)
Everyone else (FOR THE ENTIRE THIRTY-EIGHT MINUTE FLIGHT): “What the FUCK?! Why’nint that cunt SAY we’d get free fucking drinks?! No fair! Bullshit!”
If you’re HAPPY about getting free beer and cheap blended whiskey for thirty-eight minutes, or SAD about NOT getting free beer and cheap blended whiskey for thirty-eight minutes, you need to die. In a plane crash. And I get to fuck your eyes while we’re crashing.

Once upon a time I might have been one of those people and now, I think, I see them all the time.