So lately I’ve been seeing quite a bit on the intertubes about this vacuous starlet from this ghastly television show “Gossip Girls” whose success on said show is apparently going to be a portal to a “film” career, although by “film” career I’m not sure if “they” (whoever exactly “they” are) mean breaking in via a bunch of putatively legit or genuinely legit indie/art films à la “Dawson’s Creek” alum Michelle Williams, or just starring in a series of Japanese horror remakes à la Sarah Michelle Gellar, and truth to tell, I don’t much care, except, what is up with her name?
Her name being, of course, “Blake Lively,” which, I don’t care what she and/or her parents say, can’t be real.
I know this because I’ve broken down the process by which her name was chosen, and I will now share it with you. It’s not unlike that old “porn star name” formula wherein you find out yours by combining the name of the street on which you spent most of your childhood with that of your first pet. (Mine: “Ranger Muffins.”) In the Blake Lively Name Game, you calculate your “Blake Lively” name by taking the last name of a favored English-born poet, and combining it with either an adjective ending in “ly”… or just a plain old adverb. An acceptable variant on this formula is given in the third of my examples. Please feel free to add your results in comments. As that’s the whole damn point, inasmuch as there is one.
THREE EXAMPLES:
1) Larkin Slovenly
2) Coleridge Aptly
3) Shelley Incorrigible (var.)
Now go.
Pound Furiously.
Plath Slowly.
Byron Wetly.
MacGohagall Stiffly.
Shakespeare Sisterly.
Pope Piusly.
Housman Indubitably
Dryden Waspishly
Byron Disconcertingly
Browning Matter-of-factly
Yeats Magnanimously
See, I get “English-born poet”, but frankly, because it’s a first name, I was always mildly confused if said credit/name belonged to a male or female actress. I think this is because my primary mnemonic Blake is Blake Edwards, having been raised on a strict diet of Pink Panther movies as a child. Also, not to impugn the breadth of British literature, but I think that English-born poets as a criterion is going to run into repetition rather soon.
None of which means I’m not going to play. Let’s see…
Hegley Well
Stevenson Ably
and, for the win… Burns Quickly. (Although D. Cairns should be commended on “Pound Furiously”.)
Well, it wouldn’t be a game if there weren’t some meaningful restrictions! It just hit me that “English-born” excludes Eliot.But Auden is still valid…
Donne Quickly.
Which is likely is what we’ll be able to say about Blake’s film career.
…and is NOT a comment about my sexual problems. My sexual problems!
Gray Daily
Swift Shortly
Pope Predominantly
Scannell Darkly (get it?)
Marvell Gapingly
Marlowe Abasedly
Amis Awfully
Wyatt Powerfully
Milton Bradley
Bacon Crisply?
Skelton Skillfully
Chaucer Cheerfully
Lovelace Lovelily
Marvell Marvelously
Wyatt Quietly
Morely Sorely
Irish cousin?
Synge Blithely
and I know this disqualifies me but I couldn’t resist…
Stoker B. Hynes
I offer “Browning Evenly” and “Hardy Easily.”
As soon as the rules bend to allow American poets, I stand ready with “Poe Boyishly,”
Wilde N. Spritely
“Burns Quickly” is great, “Browning Evenly” is GORGEOUS.
Milton Keenly.
Kipling Passionately.
Suckling Eagerly.
I was going to say “Bacon Manly” but someone else was more clever. How bout Tennyson Tightly?
With every last English poet being taken, I’d like to take a brief moment to provide these links for your off-topic pleasure:
Go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
That’s the name of your band.
Then go here: http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
Go to the last quote, at the bottom of the page, and the last four words of that quote is the name of your band’s first album.
Finally, go here: http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture is your album’s cover.
Sorry to go off-topic, but this is pretty fun…
Cheating only slightly:
McCartney Fabulously
Amis Drunkly
Larkin Sourly
Hardy Softly
Skelton Barely
what fun!
Byron Feverishly
Armantrout Magnanimously
Peacock Posthumously
How could I have invented this game, and yet taken so long to come up with “Savage Savagely”?
Day-Lewis Lewdly
Fenton Flighty
Wordswoth Wooly
Bill, that IS fun. But I don’t think anyone is going to be buying the Brady Township album, Carpet the Whole World, any time soon. Not with that cover…
Damn, that Al Franken quote comes up every time.
Sorry, enough OT from me.
Josh – That happens to me sometimes, too. Just refresh the quotes page, and you’ll get new ones. Anyway, Giovanni Battista Abbatessa’s album, “Takes Place Every Day”, should street this November. Just FYI.
So here’s a sad story of a literary lad at the track:
Betjeman Filly*
Spender Money
Sitwell, jockey!
Pound, pound, pound!
Owen Hugely
Shelley Angry
Shakespeare at me.
Dodgson, dodgson!**
Swift butchery.
Graves nearby multiply.***
Gray elegy:
Spice Girls karaōke.
NOTES:
*in Derby.
**too late, evidently.
*** pronounced “multi-PLEE.”
tc, that’s so genuinely Joycean I’m suddenly worried about the condition of your eyes. Bravo.
A friend and I, upon seeing a trailer for “Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2: The Pantsening” starring Blake Lively, Alexis Bledel, Amber Tamblyn and America Ferrara, looked at each other and almost at the same time said, “Did the casting director say, ‘Please find me the four actresses with the stupidest possible names?’ ”
Lear Warily
Lawrence Lustily
Hardy Hardly
Belloc Bellicosely
Allnutt Testily
Not to be a curmudgeon, incidentally, but Swift and Yeats are Irish-born, and McGonagall is a Scot. Just because they colonised us doesn’t mean they get to keep us 🙂
Touchy Irish-born participant.