Asides

What publicists are for

By November 3, 2008No Comments

Dumbass

Movie stars pay good money for the ser­vices of pub­li­cists, so I don’t under­stand why they don’t avail them­selves of said ser­vices more fre­quently. For instance, I’d wager that almost any pub­li­cist is func­tion­ally lit­er­ate enough to have been able to have told Mr. Phoenix that, if he wanted to write “Goodbye!” under his knuckles ala Robert Mitchum’s “Love/Hate” thing in Night of the Hunter, he should put the “Good” on his right hand and “Bye!” on his left—as, come to think of it, any­one who under­stands the con­cepts of “stage right” and “stage left” ought to also know. Then again, I guess Phoenix has­n’t done much theat­er work. 

Making the fel­la’s dum­bassery even more enter­tain­ing is the abso­lute clue­less smug­ness of his facial expres­sion. So long, J.  
UPDATE: “You should say you’ve found his dream woman, and put up a pic­ture of Ashley Todd,” says My Lovely Wife. Ouch. 

No Comments

  • bill says:

    Maybe he was say­ing “Bye!” with one hand, and pre­dict­ing the reac­tion of the pub­lic with the other.
    I actu­ally like him, though.

  • Glenn Kenny says:

    Yeah, I’ve liked him in a few things—“To Die For,” “Walk The Line,” “Buffalo Soldiers,” “The Yards,” “Two Lovers,” that “Murder, She Wrote” episode…
    Still. What a maroon.

  • bill says:

    I’m sure he thought, “Well, since I wrote ‘Good’ first, that’s the fist every­one will read first.” Or, wait, did he do this in Japan? Or Israel?

  • Maybe he’s try­in’ to be post-modern?
    Or, he’s repris­ing his role from U‑Turn.

  • Fox says:

    I pre­dict Joaquin will be back soon­er than Jay‑Z, Brett Favre, and Michael Jordan. And if his music­al career is any­thing like his brother­’s (R.I.P.), then his return shall be swift.
    Which I must say I hope it will be. I like Phoenix, and prefer him to almost ever oth­er major Hollywood star out there.

  • Phil G says:

    I’d be sur­prised if Phoenix stays retired, but what I find curi­ous is that there was the need to make the announce­ment in the first place. If he does­n’t want to act, then don’t. If he wants to sing, then sing. Why does this nec­ces­it­ate a state­ment? He’s a skilled, I’d say under­rated act­or in some respects, but I doubt if any­one’s cry­ing today at the thought of nev­er see­ing anoth­er Joaquin per­form­ance. That pic­ture just gives me douche chills, and if any­one’s ever read or listened to one of his inter­views you can be pretty cer­tain that left hand/right hand thing was not only unin­ten­tion­al, but he’s prob­ably still look­ing at the pic­ture think­ing, “What do you mean there’s some­thing wrong with it?”

  • Jeff B. says:

    I also agree that it prob­ably won’t be too long before we see his knuckles read­ing: BACK I’M.

  • Jfreeze says:

    His quote to the Extra report­er who ‘broke the story’ was “It’s like green­er pas­tures, you know what I mean?” “And so, I’m just going to try and like, I’ll just be doing the oth­er thing. … Hopefully, I will emo­tion­ally impact you with that, as well.” Emotionally impact you with that as well??!?!? Man he is quite full him­self. What a pre­ten­tious douche.

  • steve simels says:

    Apparently Phoenix was chan­nel­ling the late Morton Downey Jr.

  • Gareth says:

    I agree his com­ments are mor­on­ic, but per­haps, in the interest of avoid­ing any mis­in­ter­pret­a­tion, not maroonic.

  • Dan says:

    Hey, if he’s got the big pile of fuck-you money, why not quit? Somehow, though, I don’t think he’ll be our Setsuko Hara.

  • thfu says:

    I do think his retire­ment is a loss. What I liked about him was he nev­er took the action star route, like Mark Wahlberg, around the same age, for example. Also Phoenix might come back soon – it is the third time since the late 80ies he decided to turn his back.

  • rockandroller says:

    What a maroon” was what Bugs Bunny always said.
    I agree, why both­er with some form­al “state­ment?” I mean, who cares?

  • Davis says:

    Joaquin Phoenix is quit­ting the film biz to become Vincent Gallo!?!?
    Does Vincent know this?