All dialogue and indignant e‑mail whingeing guaranteed verbatim. Okay, the Bay grumblings I made up.
INTERIOR, AN OFFICE IN A MALIBU MANSION
MICHAEL BAY sits at a computer, typing furiously. He appears to be in something of a snit, and mutters to himself as he types.
CUT TO:
Bay’s computer screen. We see a section of an e‑mail he is writing, as the words are inputted: “…from the terrible amateur cut down trailer which had a 23-frame flash of Megatron, if someone would of given me just one call, I could of told them the whole point of the trailer was the reintroduction of Megatron. I feel we are just out of sync on this movie…”
CUT TO:
Bay, grinding his teeth and muttering.
BAY
Megatron…the whole point…is
Megatron…
DISSOLVE TO:
BURGER KING, WEST 42ND STREET, MANHATTAN, MID-AFTERNOON, JUNE 30, 2009
GLENN KENNY, a sometime writer who is really still too overweight to even think about being in this restaurant, but has been sorely tempted by “The Return of the Original Chicken Sandwich,” stands in line and tries to blend. A young LATINA, short and stocky, waits on a longish line and chats with a FRIEND, a teenage African-American male.
LATINA
Yo, you see “Transformers” yet?
FRIEND
No, not yet…
LATINA
Aw, you’re missin’ out on the BEST
MOVIE,bro. That movie’s THE SHIT.
FRIEND
It got Megatron in it?
LATINA
It do…but FUCK Megatron. That
other [racial epithet], Optimus Prime,
he THE SHIT.
FADE, AND SCENE
I hate to be a Grammar Troll, Glenn, but “I could have” should be “I could of”. These sorts of mistakes are just embarrassing, and I expect more from you.
@Bill: Very funny. Fixed, as it were…
By the way, as I have no interest whatsoever in “Morphformlings: Here Are Some Robots”, I haven’t delved into the racial controversy very deeply. I must say that what I HAVE heard makes it sound pretty offensive, but there doesn’t seem to be quite the firestorm I thought there would be. I’ve heard complaints from white critics – which I specify not in any condescending way, but only because they’ve been my source on this so far – but that’s it.
@bill: The Grammar Troll ought to know that “could of” is not proper grammar. To correct from “could have” to “could of” is the equivalent of changing from “as well” to “aswell”, or “I’m going to go lie down” with “I’m going to go lay down”.
@Everyone: I think Bill was making a joke. The original Bay e‑mail, which I linked to, has him using “could of” rather than “could have.” In my first version of the post I corrected it, but reconsidered and put it back in its original Bay form.
I’m not sure this post is quite working though. Maybe I just shoulda said, “I was in Burger King yesterday and I overheard this discussion of ‘Transformers’…” just to be more clear about what I was getting at. Seemed a bit dull, though.
@Max – Glenn’s right – I was joking. I was going to respond with a comment full of all sorts of grammatical errors, but now I can’t, and it’s probably for the best.
And Glenn, I got where this post was coming from. If that’s any consolation.
That WOULD have been dull, Glenn. This made me laugh. Much better.
@bill: Yeah…this is all very obvious to me now. I’m going to stop writing comments when I just woke up.
Don’t I feel like an idiot. I’ll have to change my username and relocate, Witness Protection Program style.
Thanks for the link to the Bay letter. “My good friend Steven” put a smile on my face.
OH, that was an ACTUAL EXCERPT from a Bay letter. That makes it even funnier, and now I understand the joke. Well played.
In a weird way, what this exchange tells us is how wrong Bay was – what audiences are responding to is Optimus Prime, the strongest and most interesting ‘character’ in the movie. Not Megatron, a big dark pointy blur.