Welcome! Prefacing the Oscar live-blog.

As prom­ised, live-blogging of the Oscar tele­cast is begin­ning from an undis­closed Brooklyn loc­a­tion. Barbara Walters is unspool­ing some sort of “greatest hits” reel…or was…now she’s show­ing baby pic­tures of Sandra Bullock…ooh, look at that Blind Side clip of Sandra talk­ing smack to a crack dealer…she ain’t a patch on Eastwood in Gran Torino…“I can­’t believe she’s mar­ried to that jack­ass,” Mario says when Jesse James comes on. Maybe I should tell him about James’ pri­or wife…

Guests are still arriv­ing, and the live-blogging will begin in earn­est at 8:30 Eastern time,   because I don’t really do fashion—can’t com­pete with the Fug Yourself crew, for one thing—and also I gotta get some­thing to eat. Anyhow, the guests are still stream­ing in, but here are a few of the delight­ful crew you’ll be hear­ing from, second hand, this even­ing. At left, myself and My Lovely Wife (frome here­on in to be referred to as “MLW”).  At right, myself, Coleen M., and our gra­cious co-host Patrick K. And while I did say I was gonna steer clear of fash­ion com­ments, I can­not let the two Cinnabons that Charlize Theron has appli­qued to her breasts go unre­marked upon. “She looks like she’s run into fusel­age,” says MLW of Sarah Jessica Parker’s met­al Chanel thingie. Indeed.