Jamming with Edward, or, The Confessions of a "Twilight" Virgin

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• Lex says:

  November 17, 2011 at 4:45 pm

  No, no… Use a pic of K‑Stew!!!
  If you did­n’t give this four stars, you should be banned from see­ing movies. Goes for Glenn, goes for anyone.

• Glenn Kenny says:

  November 17, 2011 at 4:52 pm

  Aw, shit, man; missed by half a star.

• Lex says:

  November 17, 2011 at 4:59 pm

  It was a pretty good review, ser­i­ously… I have not seen it yet but I KNOW IN MY HEART this is a mas­ter­piece. All the pre­vi­ous entries have been. I am mildly dis­ap­poin­ted to hear there’s no Dakota Fanning in it, which is odd, since she’s lis­ted on IMDB and was in the pre­vi­ous too.
  Kristen and Dakota go togeth­er like the pea­nut but­ter and jelly of female hotness.
  And not like I haven’t penned 700,000,000 words about her all over the Internet, but I don’t under­stand how Kristen isn’t THE GIRL for every guy in the world. That there are guys who don’t like her or her act­ing, it boggles my mind. I first saw her, like every­one, in PANIC ROOM and thought, “Hmm, who is this INTERESTING look­ing chick?” Then the Figgis movie, Undertow, some others…
  Then one day in a haze I caught this cable movie called SPEAK, and my jaw was on the floor at both her tal­ent and how she was, IN EVERY con­ceiv­able way, the most hyp­not­ic and beau­ti­ful woman I’d ever seen… That was six years ago, and to this day every time I see her in any­thing I am blown away by her… I don’t get it where oth­er guys don’t think she’s beau­ti­ful or tal­en­ted. I guess I have a legion of sexu­ally con­fused teen­age girls on my side on this, but Kristen is the greatest human being EVER.
  Abraham Lincoln? I fucked him! Ohh!

• Asher says:

  November 17, 2011 at 6:45 pm

  Dan Kois: too smart for Twilight AND Tarkovsky.
  http://www.villagevoice.com/2011–11-16/film/breaking-dawn-part‑1/

• Glenn Kenny says:

  November 17, 2011 at 6:56 pm

  Boy, Dan really just has no damn idea WHERE his brow is, does he?
  Also, some­times I won­der if his whole career isn’t some kind of elab­or­ate OULIPO stunt, the con­straint being that he has to men­tion what a GREAT DAD he is in every god­damn piece he writes.

• I.B. says:

  November 18, 2011 at 7:07 am

  Marlene Dietrich dir­ec­ted by Von Sternberg was ABSOLUTELY the greatest female human being EVER. K‑Stew is cute, moreso when stoned, but she still has to learn a lot about lifting/lowering eyelids.
  I want to be reborn as Robert Mitchum.

• Oliver_C says:

  November 18, 2011 at 10:09 am

  Kristen Stewart will *need* to be “the greatest human being EVER” if the much-belated, ethnically-cleansed ver­sion of ‘Akira’* is going to end up as any­thing oth­er than the next ‘Dragonball: Evolution’.
  (* Which should prob­ably be renamed ‘Archie’ or some­thing, if it’s only going to fea­ture an all-Caucasian cast run­ning around New York!)

• James Keepnews says:

  November 18, 2011 at 11:01 am

  “Yaw tear­ing me a‑PAHHHHHHHT, Glenn!”

• jbryant says:

  November 18, 2011 at 2:11 pm

  Really sur­prised this got a good notice from Glenn and prac­tic­ally a rave from Dargis. For whatever reas­on, I was mostly bored by this one. Lots of talk. And I’ve enjoyed the oth­er films to one degree or anoth­er. My gf is a total Twihard, but even she was dis­ap­poin­ted, so my guess is she’ll see this one only 4 or 5 more times. 🙂
  Lex: Kristen looks awe­some in the early going (espe­cially in a white bikini scene), but for most of the last half of the movie she’s digit­ally manip­u­lated (settle down!) to look sick and ema­ci­ated. If you main­tain your boner dur­ing those scenes, you are truly blinded by love.

• Shawn Stone says:

  November 19, 2011 at 10:25 am

  At some point, in the middle of one of the films were­wolf con­fabs, I found myself think­ing, “wow, that Lautner kid is really ter­rible.” Yet his char­ac­ter is still less annoy­ing than those over­dressed, prissy vampires.