Movies

Ten Things I Learned Watching "Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice"

By March 25, 2016No Comments

BvSLook on my works, ye mighty, and desp—oh who the fuck am I kidding”

Warning: Contains spoil­ers, or “spoil­ers”

1) That, had Bruce Wayne’s par­ents not been viciously murdered by a dusky-looking assail­ant, Bruce could have seen John Boorman’s Excalibur the very next week, and who knows what effect that (along with his par­ents not being dead) might have had on his character.

2) That if any­one ever gets around to mak­ing a biop­ic of Bob Guccione, they ought to def­in­itely con­sider Ben Affleck to play him. Swaggering around in Gotham City bil­lion­aire mode, Affleck has a cer­tain…je né sais quoi. No, he doesn’t have the accent, and no, he doesn’t wear a lot of gold chains. But he’s got a lot of, well, smarm.

3) Not unre­lated, maybe: That Bruce Wayne could have been in The Big Short—the build­ing that goes down in Metropolis houses “Wayne Financial.” Hmmm.

4) That it is appar­ently impossible for any­one, in any part of the world, ever, to fire a machine gun without grit­ting his or her teeth and grimacing.

5) That cameo per­former Nancy Grace has nev­er read Baudrillard.

6) That it’s pos­sible that cameo per­former Anderson Cooper has read Baudrillard, but was unconvinced.

7) That cameo per­former Andrew Sullivan has def­in­itely read Baudrillard, and no longer cares.

8) That even holy of hol­ies Neal deGrasse Tyson has his price.

9) That Soledad O’Brien is dead. She just has to be.

10) That Jeremy Irons has finally achieved Full Karloff.

No Comments

  • Bill Oppenheim says:

    It’s com­ic­bookgeekery, but Excalibur is play­ing as sort of a pre­lude to “The Dark Knight” tag.

  • Aden Jordan says:

    Never go full Karloff”

  • Petey says:

    Rare groove writ­ing, Glenn.
    Concise and delicious.

  • Petey says:

    And off-topic, but I’m con­sid­er­ing can­celing my sub­scrip­tion to your fine blog if we don’t get some occa­sion­al Blu-Ray roundups.
    It’s half the reas­on I spend the big $$$ to get past the pay­wall here.

  • Oliver_C says:

    Anyone remem­ber John Byrne’s alternate-Earth Superman story where General Zod cas­u­ally oblit­er­ates Batman with a single zap of heat vis­ion? Good times.

  • jbryant says:

    I’ve been won­der­ing for dec­ades why no one’s ever tried to do a Karloff bio with Irons. Or at least a Frankenstein movie, or Arsenic and Old Lace remake.

  • Richard Neer says:

    A pro­pos of not much I won­der what you thought about the Criterion release of A Brighter Summer Day, a movie that that this blog (plus Yi Yi) made me pine to see for years. (I see that Petey made a related com­ment above; every­one knows why this blog has changed, but that does­n’t mean we can­’t miss those great posts!).

  • George says:

    Glenn: Since we know (from the fan­boys’ online com­ments) that film crit­ics were paid to pan Batman vs. Superman, I’m won­der­ing how much you pock­eted from Marvel? 😉
    This pretty much sums up the fan­boy com­ments (via the Captain Comics web­site): “A lot of crit­ics’ com­plaints boil down to the usu­al one: We don’t like super­hero movies. We want them to fail so that noth­ing is made except for two-man indie movies with oblique dialogue.”
    Busted!

  • joe says:

    A bio of Karloff with J. Irons has occurred to me, too!!
    Great minds…

  • Oliver_C says:

    Fanboys would totally go see a two-hander with oblique dia­logue… if the two were Forge and Storm and the movie was ‘Lifedeath’, that is.

  • JL says:

    Apologies for not hav­ing (yet) seen the film, but you’ll have to explain the Baudrillard (whom I have read… and was like­wise not con­vinced… though I cringe at the thought of being placed in the same bas­ket as Andrew Sullivan) jokes… (and are the JB/BvS jokes some­how con­nec­ted to JB-references in Matrix, or is that the sub­ject for anoth­er gag…?)

  • Chris Labarthe says:

    My Dinner With Karloff, star­ring Neal deGrasse Tyson and Jeremy Irons

  • Grant L says:

    Just took anoth­er look at the screen­shot above, and got con­fused. Haven’t seen the movie, but from what little I’ve heard the idea is that they take their fight out­side the city so that no one else will be harmed? And that’s the city? Whether it’s Metropolis or Gotham City or some­where else, it seems to pretty god­damn tiny for a sup­posedly major berg. What am I missing?

  • George says:

    Two months with no new posts from Glenn. Are we to assume this blog is defunct? Or just dormant?