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The only Bond-movie-ranking article that matters

By November 6, 2012No Comments

02

Whose do you think? And this time I’m not apo­lo­giz­ing for the pain-in-the-ass gal­lery format, as it helps BUILD SUSPENSE. My Bond list, with two non-Eon titles, for MSN Movies

UPDATE: The indelible above image is from Live And Let Die. The Beretta/PPK switch gaffe is being fixed. 

No Comments

  • Noam Sane says:

    Link no wor­kee. Yet, anyway.

  • Chris H says:

    My biggest quibble with the rank­ing of Quantum of Solace so low is that you failed to men­tion the polit­ic­al angle. Water scarcity is a fas­cin­at­ing, real and under-used theme. Oil and nukes? Yawn. Water is good stuff. Worth a spot a few rungs up for sure.

  • Glenn Kenny says:

    Seems okay from where I sit. Let me know if prob­lem per­sists. The piece should be access­ible from the MSN Entertainment home page in any event…

  • Chris H says:

    On a couple of films you men­tion legngth. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service was way, way too long. 142 minutes I believe. I just re-watched it (after dec­ades) recently. I agree with much of what you said. The first hour is very good. The second hour is inter­min­able. Those beau­ti­ful, unwit­ting, evil min­ion ladies were laugh­able. Not just laugh­able. Stupid. The ski chase was so long and dull. Overall, just a lot of sil­li­ness at the moun­tain top hideout of Blofeld. The last 15 minutes or so were exciting.

  • Never Say Never Again’s theme song over A View to A Kill?!?!? You’ve gone MAD, Kenney, MAD I SAY! Up top, though, that’s a damn fine still. I’m hear­ing that Skyfall is “so good you’ll for­get it’s a Bond film”, which is promising—there’s some­thing relic‑y about even the good ones.

  • Pinback says:

    While Moonraker is fully as bad as its repu­ta­tion, it does have an abso­lutely beau­ti­ful title song, full of typ­ic­ally mel­an­choly John Barry string arrange­ments. It could have used a more subtle sing­er than Shirley Bassey, but still gorgeous.

  • As I men­tioned when you came to the shows a couple weeks back, I can­’t agree at all with rank­ing Octopussy that low. Spy Who Loved Me and Diamonds are a lot worse (Spy could have been a win­ner, but Hamlisch’s atro­cious music score abso­lutely des­troys it), as are the Craig Casino and Quantum (two very dull adven­tures with a thug instead of Bond). And Never Say Never is still the worst thing that’s ever been peri­pher­ally attached to James Bond. Goldfinger lost me with both the duck on his head and the hor­rif­ic baby-blue terry­c­loth step-in pool out­fit that Connery wore in the second scene. 😉
    I sound angry ’cause I still have no power, heat or hot water, but this is really All in good fun 🙂

  • My favor­ite is the 1967 “Casino Royale” (which shows you pre­cisely what I think of he whole thing.)

  • St. Genet Parochial School says:

    Forgive my Bond ignor­ance, but from what film is that screencap?

  • MarkJ says:

    The Living Daylights should be a lot high­er. And a‑ha’s title track is awe­some. Last great Bond score too.

  • rotch says:

    I’m crack­ing my blu box set in this par­tic­u­lar order.
    Are we get­ting a Skyfall review? I think it’s the best Craig entry yet.

  • Tony Dayoub says:

    I just wrote up YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE and rank it about where you do, pretty near the top. But my review ended up lay­ing into the film some­thing bad (funny when that hap­pens). Mostly because though I find much to like in YOLT, I can­’t help but think it’s the first of te series that veered off into the silly ter­rit­ory we’d grow accus­tomed to when Moore took over. Between Pleasence’s weak-tea-casting as Blofeld and the dis­pens­ing of the enti­cing Aki in favor of the sim­per­ing Kissy that second hour goes down­hill fast. Still, as you said, Nancy Sinatra’s song – and in fact John Barry’s score alto­geth­er – is among the best ever.

  • Tom Block says:

    YOLT is the most cine­mat­ic Bond–it has 3–4 shots (like the shad­ows of the chop­pers on the moun­tain­side, the long shot of Connery run­ning across the rooftop) that aren’t just purely func­tion­al, that look like a real dir­ect­or set them up. And to this day I dig the Barry/Sinatra song, mostly because its atmo­sphere does­n’t depend on its con­nec­tion to the movie. (What’s weird is I asso­ci­ate it more with Alistair MacLean than Bond because I’d just bought the soundtrack, and was listen­ing to it night and day, dur­ing the peri­od I was plow­ing through MacLean’s novels.)

  • Tony Dayoub says:

    Tom, you describe YOLT’s redeem­ing qual­it­ies. But I can­’t shake its flaws so eas­ily: Bond in yel­low­face; Mie Hama’s hor­rible per­form­ance; Pleasence’s meek Blofeld; the attend­ant colo­ni­al­ism that plagues all Bond movies, but here moreso.
    That said, our host is right in point­ing out 007’s excel­lent pre-credits fate and Sinatra and Barry’s song. There’s also the epic travelogue aspects of the Japanese set­ting, Little Nellie, M’s sub­mar­ine office (along with Bond, M and Moneypenny in uni­form) and the great fight sequences at Osato HQ and the Kobe docks.
    YOLT is a mixed bag, but I def­in­itely have a soft spot for it, more than I prob­ably demon­strated in my review.

  • Tom Block says:

    The pre-credit sequence is indeed a pip, and I like the sumo match that’s prac­tic­ally there for its own sake. Also, maybe it’s the colo­ni­al­ist in me but Connery looks great in the Japanese set­tings in much the same way Bill Murray did. (Sorry, I just can­’t get too excited about yel­low­face in a 50-year old Bond flick.)
    I had­n’t looked at Glenn’s gal­lery when I pos­ted before–his #1 pick is right, right, right.

  • YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE has the unstop­pable com­bin­a­tion of Ken Adam and Freddie Young. Whatever else one might think, it’s one of the most gor­geous Bond films.

  • lazarus says:

    The Brosnan Bond-by-numbers films are ranked way too high.
    Forster’s Quantum of Solace should be nowhere near the bot­tom, if only for that one shot in the opera house with Bond in the fore­ground look­ing at his enemies lined up in the back­ground on the oth­er side of the room. Iconic stuff.

  • Brian says:

    MOONRAKER’s second half is every bit as bad as you say, but there are some good moments in the first 45 minutes or so– the lovely stunt work in the sky in the pre-credits sequence, the scene in the cent­ri­fuge, the chase with the dogs through the forest. The theme song is won­der­ful (and Bassey is per­fect for it). And it still has my favor­ite Bond vil­lain line: “Look after Mr. Bond. See that some harm comes to him.”

  • Josh Z says:

    Nit-pick: Jeffrey Wright was not the first act­or to play Felix Leiter twice. David Hedison played Leiter in Live and Let Die, and then returned for the char­ac­ter­’s next appear­ance 16 years later in Licence to Kill.

  • David N says:

    OHMSS would, I think, be the best Bond if Connery was the star. But Lazenby is a plank­ish beef­cake and he under­mines all the oth­er good stuff. Also, the generally-lauded fight scenes lay ter­ribly for me; inco­her­ent and fad­dish (also about 40 years ahead of their time, but not in a good way).
    YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE did, as oth­ers have partly sug­ges­ted, invent the mod­ern Bond film in all its epic sil­li­ness. But – des­pite the hor­rendously dis­tract­ing and hil­ari­ous yel­low­face – it has so many great moments and Connery is so assured its pure pleas­ure. The great fight scene with Peter Maivia is a match for the brawl with Shaw in FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE, too, and Barry’s score is superb.
    I also find GOLDENEYE hor­rendously over­rated – baggy, cheap, and ham­strung by the fact that Sean Bean is so much sex­i­er and more cha­ris­mat­ic than Pierce Brosnan even when he’s put­ting on an uncon­vin­cing posh­boy accent. Also, the Serra score is appalling. TOMORROW NEVER DIES is the best Brosnan.
    I like all the Craigs, and for all the talk of him as a thug, there is some­thing of the thug in Fleming’s flawed, snob­bish secret agent.
    Still: good list.

  • Josh Z says:

    One more nit-pick, sorry: In Dr. No, M makes Bond trade in his Beretta for a Walther PPK, not the oth­er way around.

  • rdmtimp says:

    Josh Z – Felix Leiter shows up pri­or to License to Kill – he’s in The Living Daylights (played by John Terry).
    Gotta dis­agree with Pete on Hamlisch’s Spy score – it’s nowhere near as annoy­ing as Bill Conti’s ESPN high­lights music mas­quer­ad­ing as a score for For Your Eyes Only.

  • jbryant says:

    I’m a bit hampered here by hav­ing seen most of the Bond films only once each (in fact, I think GOLDFINGER is the only one I’ve seen twice in its entirety; haven’t seen A VIEW TO A KILL or QUANTUM OF SOLACE at all). So some of my memor­ies, both fond and oth­er­wise, are a bit hazy. But I’ll agree with Pete that OCTOPUSSY is much wor­thi­er than a last place rank­ing. I thought it was rather fun. I’ll dis­agree with Pete on THE SPY WHO LOVED ME, how­ever, which would prob­ably make my top five or so.

  • D says:

    A kind word for DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER: it may have been one of the first Bond movies I saw – on tele­vi­sion as a teen­ager – and it has always struck me as obvi­ously set in the year of its mak­ing (a timestamp most Bond films seem to try to eschew).
    I remem­ber when I first dis­covered the Village Voice, there was a column by Andrew Sarris and Tom Milne that lis­ted rep­er­tory picks for the week and one tele­vi­sion screen­ing. Once, the tele­vi­sion pick was DAF, and Sarris wrote that Bond was “sleazy” in this one. I wish I could remem­ber more, but it was this little blurb that put me on the trail of DAF. In a way, DAF is a failed Bond movie that suc­ceeds in its fail­ure in that it is noth­ing like its pre­de­cessors, and, in fact, con­sciously turns away from the Bond for­mula without being cer­tain what kind of movie it wants to be. As a res­ult, the movie reaches out in dif­fer­ent cul­tur­al dir­ec­tions for guid­ance on how to behave. The film inverts the more usu­al pro­cess whereby a film imposes its style/codes on its times, and instead invites all man­ner of con­tem­por­ary ref­er­ences (and doubts and anxi­et­ies) to imprint upon it. Specifically, the film seems to riff on and worry about how to be a man in the Bond tra­di­tion. Connery’s per­form­ance has a lovely Vegas-lounge-act qual­ity to it – as if he were chan­nel­ing Matt Helm as per­formed by Dean Martin. One can ima­gine this Bond as the true Bond who in the pre­vi­ous five films merely per­formed the Bond view­ers had come to expect – the for­mula cracks here and ret­ro­spect­ively shades what came before.
    Also, DAF comes two years after Stonewall, and we have the gay killers, Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd, and the les­bi­an jail­ers, Bambi and Thumper. Bond, of course, pre­vails over both pairs, but the present­a­tion is far removed from the lesbian-crone-as-killer por­trait of Rosa Klebb. Additionally, Jill St. John is a working-class Bond girl, neither a sul­try seductress nor a smooth pro­fes­sion­al. Plenty O’Toole – the more con­ven­tion­al Bond girl – is giv­en the cement treat­ment in a swim­ming pool as if that type of Bond girl were being elim­in­ated (and the swim­ming pool motif resur­faces with the appear­ance of Bambi and Thumper who thrive in the envir­on­ment that dooms Plenty).
    Other niceties:
    * The ori­gin­al Bond returns to replace the replace­ment, just as Blofeld (being played by a third act­or in the series) has many cop­ies of himself.
    * Diamonds are hid­den in the ali­ment­ary canal of a corpse and twice Bond is encased – a coffin and a tun­nel – in a restrict­ive space in an attempt to kill him – more sig­ni­fi­ers of queer anxiety.
    * The final battle is dis­ap­point­ing, as if the film can­not even muster a prop­er climax.
    * The won­der­ful theme song that is so erot­ic and would work wheth­er sung by a man or a woman.
    * “Metz? How do you spell that?” – James Bond “M … Get out, you irrit­at­ing little man.” – Dr. Metz
    Two years later in LIVE AND LET DIE – where there is a con­ven­tion­al attempt to re-make the series for Roger Moore – the film fails in usu­al and unin­ter­est­ing ways. But DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER fails by not being what came before and allow­ing the audi­ence to see its inde­cis­ive­ness about what it should become – a rare treat in the often over-determined world of cine­mat­ic art.
    Brian Dauth

  • Joel Bocko says:

    Not to crash the Bond party (well actu­ally, yes, to crash the Bond party) but I just read last year’s rather fas­cin­at­ing inter­view with Cronenberg on A Dangerous Method (which I finally watched tonight after a year’s anticipation).
    What inter­ested me most was the out­right sym­pathy toward Freud and hos­til­ity toward Jung dis­played by Cronenberg in the interview…ironic as I did­n’t get that sense at all from the film itself. Except for its reti­cence in demon­strat­ing Jung’s vis­ions or sens­ib­il­ity, con­di­tioned as much by styl­ist­ic inclin­a­tions as them­at­ic ones.
    Actually, com­ing from a read­ing of Kerr’s book, I gen­er­ally found Jung more sym­path­et­ic in the film; Mortensen’s Freud was cha­ris­mat­ic but often offput­ting in his author­it­ari­an­ism where­as Fassbender’s depic­tion of Jung’s con­flic­ted feel­ings about both his ment­or and his lov­er felt more human. And oddly enough, giv­en Cronenberg’s insist­ence on Jung’s essen­tial Aryan-ness in the inter­view, he did­n’t come off as anti-Semitic at all – indeed genu­inely per­plexed by Freud’s insist­ence on his Jewishness.
    Anyway, the com­ments were closed so here I am. Bonus points to the per­son who finds a cre­at­ive way to tie this in to the 007 discussion.

  • Tony Dayoub says:

    Someone stopped the Bond thread cold!

  • Joel Bocko says:

    Blame the psychs. (As L. Ron would say…)

  • Olaf says:

    Let’s see if we can­not restart this discussion.
    Glenn, first of all thanks for anoth­er highly enter­tain­ing list.
    I would have to dis­agree mainly with one rank­ing, and that is your rather kind eval­u­ation of ‘A View to a Kill’ which I con­sider to be the worst Bond by a wide mar­gin. The reas­on: it seems that every­one involved with this one from the screen writers to the dir­ect­or and the cast were simply tired, and so it can­not pull off any of the fun ele­ments of a great Bond film.
    Let’s go through the list:
    – the title song: unenduranble
    – the title sequence: with its day-glo approach would have been more fit­ting for ‘Batman Forever’ or ‘Batman & Robin’
    – Bond him­self: Roger Moore looks pos­it­ively mummy­fied here;anything more strenous than stand­ing seems to require a stunt double. And is there any­one who believes that Moore would sur­vive a tryst with Grace Jones?
    – the Bond girl: squeaky-voiced Tanya Roberts is so life­lesss that one won­ders wheth­er her role is actu­ally played by that mannequin-robot that Roberts was turned into a few years earli­er in ‘Tourist Trap’
    – the vil­lain: Christopher Walken could have been an inspired choice, but he does­n’t do any­thing he has­n’t done before. Bonus ques­tion: if his Zorin is the res­ult of a Nazi exper­i­ment to breed the per­fect Arian, why is his hair so badly bleached?
    – the hench­man or (in this case) the hench­wo­man: the cast­ing of Grace Jones is cer­tainly kinky enough to draw your atten­tion at first, and her char­ac­ter is blessed with a great name, but MayDay’s last minute switch from Saul to Paul is totally unbe­liev­able and effect­ively kills any interest in the char­ac­ter; it’s also more than Jones the act­ress can pull off
    – the action sequences: the pre-title ski­ing sequence – just an unin­spired rehash of the amaz­ing stunt work in ‘On Her Majesty’s Secret Service’, the pre-title sequence of ‘The Spy Who Loved Me’ and the Cortina d’Ampezzo scenes in ‘For Your Eyes Only’; MayDay’s jump from the Eifel Tower and the ensue­ing car chase – been there, done that; the fire trucks speed­ing through San Francisco – lame; the final fight atop the Golden Gate Bridge – too obvi­ously done in the studio/with blue screen to gen­er­ate any suspense
    – invent­ive murders: MayDay kills a man with a poisoned ‘but­ter­fly’ on a fish­ing rod – ‘silly’ does­n’t even begin to describe that one!
    – loc­a­tions: Zorin’s French château is stun­ning but is not put to great use, and by 1985 San Francisco had been the back­drop of so many oth­er (bet­ter) movies that it would have needed a great cine­ma­to­graph­er and dir­ect­or to make it ‘James Bond spe­cial’ again; for an example of how to come up with excit­ing visu­als of cit­ies that have been used in hun­dreds of films have a look at what Sam Mendes and Roger Deakins do with London and Shanghai in ‘Skyfall’
    To sum it up: at the end of ‘A View to a Kill’, it should have said ‘James Bond will be resur­rec­ted’ instead of ‘James Bond will return’…

  • christian says:

    Re: OHMSS: “The ski chase was so long and dull. ”
    The best shot and scored action scene in almost any Bond film still. Even Pauline Kael noted it.

  • Dan Heaton says:

    This is def­in­itely one of the bet­ter “rank the Bond films” art­icles that I’ve seen. Nice work! I was glad to see Dalton’s films not being placed near the bot­tom, which seems to be the con­ven­tion­al wis­dom from too many. I’d even put Licence to Kill high­er, but I can­’t argue too much with its place­ment. I also think Casino Royale is a top-five film eas­ily and You Only Live Twice is weak­er (for the reas­ons you men­tion, actu­ally). That said, there’s noth­ing that I can­’t side with on this list. The Brosnan films deserve their lower rank­ings (espe­cially Die Another Day), and Diamonds are Forever is also just bad.

  • Kosal Da says:

    Thank you for this great art­icle. Do you hap­pen to know about film­ing movies using aer­i­al cine­met­o­graphy? Sometimes they even use RC choppers?
    http://www.cinechopper.com