That would be the fellow on the right, Kevin James, with whom I am very displeased right now. There have been other films this year containing bits even less scintillating than those within Zookeeper, and yet there’s something about the combination of bits in this film that distills to something particularly awful. I said it in my review for MSN Movies and I’ll say it here: If a worse movie is released this year, I don’t want to see it.
“But Glenn,” you moan in despair, “this movie’s going to make a ton of money this weekend! People are such idiots!” I haven’t the time at the moment to make an argument concerning the latter point, but as for the former, all I can say is “This too shall pass.” As you may remember, the aforementioned Uncle Kracker had a bunch of pretty big hits that not only likely made him a lot of money but “earned” him a “name” that permitted him to compel the far more talented (to say the least) Dobie Gray to add a little luster to Kracker’s otherwise completely worthless recorded output. Yeesh. And NOW what do you hear of that clown? Nothing. See? So buck up. It’ll all work out.
From Wikipedia: “As of June 2010, no film released under the Happy Madison or Scary Madison banner has received a “fresh” rating from review aggregate site Rotten Tomatoes. They have all been given a “rotten” rating, indicating that less than 60% of recorded critics approved of the films, most likely due to the films’ inappropriate crude humor.”
I was there looking to see if Sandler/Happy Madison had any plans to open up a studio Tyler Perry-style. (What? It could happen.) I saw the above passage right before the above was posted. Made me chuckle. Anyway, I’m sure it has less to do with “inappropriate crude humor” than, again, as how said bits come together.
I thought James was more than tolerable in HITCH; I’d go so far as to say he was excellent. I really had high hopes for him after that. He’s adept enough at both sad sack comic pathos and go-for-broke slapstick to make even bits of PAUL BLART work better that it should have (don’t get me wrong – it’s still not a good movie). But these Happy Madison flicks are driven by their writer/stars, with the directors seemingly playing traffic cop. YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN is perhaps the exception that proves the rule. If Sandler, James and company could ever find their own Frank Tashlin, we might get a truly great comedy instead of, at best, a pleasant time-waster.
I was floored by the trailer for Zookeeper, in which was embedded an ad for TGI Friday. I see the scene depicted above is set in said chain restaurant. No thanks.
I wish I lived in Brookln and could be an arrogant ass like you with an over-inflated ego to boot! Just curious, how old are you anyway, and what credentials do you have to consider yourself responsible enough to be a critic.…because you are from NYC? Just remember that the rest of the world doesn’t revolve around you our the “Rotton Apple” where you live.
Actually, I’m from Jersey. (Also: “Rotton Apple?” Hey, you guys LOVED us right after 9/11. What happened?)
What I’m trying to figure out now is whether I’ve upset a Kevin James fan, or an Uncle Kracker fan.
That’s not an Applebee’s? Guess I don’t know my chain sit-downs.
Google search for ‘oldnavyman’: About 11,300 results (0.09 seconds)
And about another 0.09 seconds after that to determine the guy’s a wingnut with no right to speak of the world and how it revolves. He probably thinks the world is fixed in the heavens and is only 6600 years old.
I am pretty sure people are still going to watch this movie, not because of the plot but just because it looks funny. I agree with OldNavyMan… I bet he is one of those Seinfeld loving idiots, Nobody likes dry humor! why dont you and all you other sad as clowns go hang yourself from a tree if your so dam dissapointed by the movie.
He could be a fan of both. Which means you caused such white-hot rage within him that he forgot how to spell “Rotten”.
SEINFELD was dry humor? Did we change the defintion of that somewhere along the line?
Why can’t any of you fucking wingnut asshats spell?!
I agree people are such idiots. However as prior owner of the most successful privately owned DVD rental store in Denver I must say the real F‑CKING idiots are the critics who don’t have a clue what a good movie is. I have not seen Zookeeper but will say that Kevin James is a seller the people love him and their money means more to movie makers than some moron critics review. By the way Mr. critic, do you remember the Blair Witch Project mess. The critics shouted from the rooftops who good it was, my business partner ordered extra copies of it because of the reviews despite me telling him it was the worst waste of film in years. I COULDN’T GIVE THE F‑CKING THINGS AWAY!!!!! Shows what you goddam critics know huh? absolutely f‑cking nothing. Why doesn’t your dumb ass get a real job and stop bableing about shit you obviously know nothing about!!!!!
This is getting weird. I mean, BLAIR WITCH is really good, you guys.
I sure hope I have a slow day at the office today so I can monitor this thread. It’s gonna’ get good.
Also, it just occurred to me: the dryness of SEINFELD’s humor, and the fact that nobody likes dry humor, must account for that show’s disastrous ratings and early cancellation.
Hey, Clint, it’s okay, you can say “fucking” on this thread, no need for the hyphen. And hey, if you could steer me in the direction of a “real” job—preferably one that pays “real” money—I’d be much obliged.
Same here, Pete. Steven Hyden from the AV Club once (jokingly?) said that, after panning a Korn concert early in his career as a music writer, he got so many e‑mails from angry Korn fans that he compiled them into a volume entitled “Dear Asshole”, since that’s the phrase most of the e‑mails began with. I wonder if Glenn would consider doing the same if Kevin James/Uncle Kracker fans keep bombarding this thread…
First of all, look at the movie for what it is…or is not. It is not Acadamy Award fare. It is a silly faqmily friendly comedy in a movie world that only wants to produce graphic violence or non-family friendly sexual content for ratings. Give everyone a break. It is nice to be able to go to the movies with the kids and have a few laughs even if the plot is not believable. Really? You want to complain that the bears logic is not realistic when we are already dealing with talking animals…
Not for nothing, but even if I liked ZOOKEEPER, I wouldn’t take a kid under 13 to see it. I don’t know what kind of family it’s “family-friendly” for. Seriously.
Your a fucking fag.
I’m starting to think that somebody’s having us on.
Nice one
Now do you use “fucking” in the same sense as Kingsley Amis did when he made the distinction between “fools” and “fucking fools,” as in “fucking fools” were people who should know better? Meaning, I would suppose, that even though I ought to know better I somehow always end up with a dick in my mouth, or somewhere else it oughtn’t be if I was a thrifty brave clean and reverent full-blooded NON-fag? Just asking. Nice name, by the way.
@ Oliver C: what’s with you and the word ‘asshat’ and derivatives? Just curious.
And, kind of glad to hear from THE REAL PEOPLE from THE REAL WORLD. I find amazing how they might like something ‑just liking it a bit, not loving or obsessing about‑, yet invest a whole lot more of passion in bashing anybody who dares to point the thing might be crap or just that it was crap for them.
Therefore, I want to ask the following of all the people who felt outraged by Mr. Kenny’s review and are rushing to their keyboards to tell him ‘wat an entitld asshol he are’ and how film critics are destroying America: please refrain from posting your precious thoughts UNLESS you are a certified Kevin James (whoever he is, I don’t care about his movies, thank you very much) fanatic. By this I mean:
‑that you’ve seen his previous film at least ten times
‑that your medical files show a history of broken ribs caused from laughing too hard at his movies
‑that if you were trapped in a room with a typewriter and enough paper you could write the entire dialog of one of his movies from memory
‑that you have tattoos of the man’s face in the most recondite recesses of your skin
‑that you mortgaged for the sixth time your dwelling to bribe your way into the studio to watch the rushes of his latest magnum-pus, and
‑that you glued a photo of your hero on the head of your favourite inflatable doll.
THEN you can enlighten us with your unvarnished, anger-propelled truth. THEN you’d have the divine right to do so. Fuck off if you just ‘sort of like his movies’ but feel shortcharged in the braincocklenght department.
“Assface McAnusfist”? You get an A for effort on the name. And your link leads to eatmyhairbutthole.com. You’re fucking _committed_, dude!
The work of a trashman is a of more value to society than the writing of useless douche Glenn Kenny, senior critic at MSN Films.
Iwantmy babyback babyback babyback Iwantmy babyback babyback babyback. Glenn Kenny’s babyback ribs… BBQ Sauce.
Does a movie which champions its hero urinating in public count as “family-friendly, non-sexual fare”?
I’ve never seen the movie. I just found out how much Glenn Kenny sucks. He probably loves Jimmy Buffet.
I’ve never been to Kuala Lumpur. I just found out how a napkin is used. It’s probably better suited to postestructuralism.
Dildan,
We have been up all night, my friends and I, beneath mosque lamps whose brass cupolas are bright as our souls, because like them they were illuminated by the internal glow of electric hearts. And trampling underfoot our native sloth on opulent Persian carpets, we have been discussing right up to the limits of logic and scrawling the paper with demented writing.
Our hearts were filled with an immense pride at feeling ourselves standing quite alone, like lighthouses or like the sentinels in an outpost, facing the army of enemy stars encamped in their celestial bivouacs. Alone with the engineers in the infernal stokeholes of great ships, alone with the black spirits which rage in the belly of rogue locomotives, alone with the drunkards beating their wings against the walls.
best regards
Holy shit, this really _is_ getting weird.
Weird, yes, but I’m also starting to get my feelings hurt. Just a little bit. But still.
Wow. I was just came from MSN where I merely wanted to disagree with his review.
This is a little more than I planned on or expected.
I saw this the other night and had a really good time with my 17 year old daughter & her two friends, my 14 year old twin boys, my 14 year old nephew, my 12 year old niece and my older sister and her husband. We all enjoyed it. It was a comedy.
It was better than Horrible Bosses.
(But I will agree that YOU probably shouldn’t be taking 13 year olds to the movies.)
If the reviews say its is a bad movie then it is one to see for sure. They are always wrong.
looks like zookeeper is sort of divisive. just like tree of life. may require multiple viewings
I think Kevin James can be a very capable and funny actor. He has certainly been so in the past, and many episodes of his situation comedy were surprisingly watchable. That he has not been funny for a few years is disappointing.
Assface McAnusfist. That made my day. You’re a trouper, Glenn. Bless you.
God I love it when the rubes get all persnickety with Glenn. Who knew Kevin James had so many devoted supporters? Guess it’s the cross you bear when you’re the chief film critic at MSN.
Also, I love it when people use declarative statements like “it’s a comedy” or “it’s an action movie” to justify a movie’s worth. I was once in a conversation with a person who tried to argue the merits of Grease by stating outright that “it’s a musical.” Well, no shit Sherlock, it’s also a shitty one.
Anyway, hang in there Glenn. If you don’t really feel like fighting back (and I agree that it’s not worth it), you can always call in Wells to do your dirty work for you. I’m sure he’d be happy to sling some ape metaphors around.
Thanks Mark. I’m good. I’m going to the gym for a bit. That’ll be fun. The only real surprise is the vehemence of the supporters of a relatively toothless, genial (not to say entirely benign) comic actor. Unless, as I said, these are all really pissed-off Uncle Kracker fans too.
The obvious joshers aside, I never cease to be amused by those who take up arms against negative reviews of commercial trifles, as though such reviews ever affected the films’ bottom line, or prevented even one such future opus from getting a green light. They’ve won the cultural war; they could at least be good sports about it.
I also love the backhanded compliments they give to their objects of affection – “It’s just entertainment” (by which they seem to mean, “Why put thought into something mindless?”), or “Not every movie has to be insert-classic-or-art-film-title-here,” as though critics slam ZOOKEEPER because they were expecting AU HASARD BALTHAZAR. I’m sure they don’t intend to sound intellectually insecure, but it always comes off that way – this must be the reasoning: “I liked this movie because I understood it and it made me laugh. You say it’s stupid, so you must think I’m stupid. Therefore, you’re an Assy McAssface and probably a Communist and no one will come to your funeral.”
Despite what I just wrote above…
Mark VH, I liked GREASE. I am therefore forced to conclude that you are a heartless puppy-rapist who wipes his butt with the American flag. I mean, come on, it’s a musical AND a comedy. And a love story. And it’s shot on film and has actors in it.
I hate GREASE– and it’s “change who you are and people will like you better” moral, while an accurate protrayal of how the world works, neither gels with nor really subverts its fantasy world, and never ceases to grate– but when I express this, I get basically the same reaction, to varying degrees, that Glenn is getting now. So, um, solidarity!
I’m not really a stakeholder on Kevin James or Uncle Kracker (who?), but can I join in and call you an asshole because I always thought Tom Arnold was pretty funny?
Three stars from Ebert. He understands the Oldnavy McAssfaces of this world.
After reading this thread, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
This thread is surely more entertaining than ZOOKEEPER.
I think the genial Mr Kenny is a pretty good critic, all things considered, though he has in the past panned a few movies I like. Damn him.
While I am a firm believer that no movie featuring Eve Arden can be all bad, GREASE does come close.….…
@jbryant – It’s also been my experience that most people who throw out the “what did you expect, [classic film title]?” haven’t actually seen [classic film title]. In those instances, it’s very tempting to say “yes, in what specific ways did you find them so dissimilar?” But then it’s always tempting to retort with reasoned arguments. Or just agreeing. Like you said, winning the culture war wasn’t enough; apparently a 13 ASSASSINS-style “TOTAL MASSACRE” is the next goal.
I do wonder if it all stems from ignorance on both sides – the ZOOKEEPER crowd doesn’t know how good they have it , and the…let’s just call it elitist asshole side…doesn’t understand…I don’t even know what. Probably that they feel like they’ve been picked on too much for liking what they like. And maybe they have. But it’s not like anyone who put YOU, THE LIVING on their top ten list hasn’t taken their fair share of shit, so it seems like we can all come together in that anyway. Or maybe we’re destined to be at odds ’til the end of time. But I guess everyone feels like a victim (look at any discussion between Christians and Atheists, for example).
I’d love to have a reasoned discussion to gain a greater understanding at just what the big deal is with critics not getting [pop culture phenomenon], but the Assface McAnusfists of the world (and I’ll be laughing about that name the whole way home…how’s THAT for lowbrow taste?) pretty much just throw in their two cents and book it.
I kind of want to pretend to be one of these valiant crusaders, but I’d be lying. Haven’t seen it, not interested in (nor vehemently against) seeing it, and so forth. And I’m a reader of this blog, not somebody who just discovered it through his furious MSN-inspired tears. But I really do kind of want to join in the party.
So, Glenn, you pretentious, festering turd. I bet you’ve never laughed once in your life. If you’d actually PAID ATTENTION to the movie, you’d see how honest it is, how true to life, how refreshing.
Also, I.B.: Is “magnum-pus” a typo? ‘Cause either way, I like it.
Totally surprised by massive groundswell of support for THOR and now ZOOKEEPER. Judging by the amount of vitriol flung at Mr. Kenny it’s as if he compared Terrence Malick’s TREE OF LIFE unfavorably to Robert Mulligan’s MAN IN THE MOON.
I say we keep this up and see if John Nolte is sufficiently outraged to write a defense of it for Big Hollywood.
“looks like zookeeper is sort of divisive. just like tree of life. may require multiple viewings.”
That was really funny.
Wow. Those culture warriors take their jobs seriously, don’t they? A bad review of a light summer movie is an attack on everything they hold dear, including the Baby Jesus. Jesus.
Tom Bryant, GREASE is a *thing* for people of a certain age (not mine). My younger brother and his best friend used to play the record over and over and lipsync the words to each other–even the love songs–while my girlfriend and I snickered at their clueless homoeroticism.
Years later, I went to a party where most of the attendees were about the same age. Somebody got out that damn soundtrack, and they were off! 20 years later, they knew every word to every song.
The whole thing escapes me.
hamletta: Not sure if you meant to address me or Tom Russell (you’ve combined our names – maybe we’re a new version of The Incredible 2‑Headed Transplant – “One loves GREASE, the other hates it!”), but I’ll bet your brother and his pal were thrilled if they got to see the GREASE re-release (I think it was the 30th anniversary one?) that had subtitled lyrics for singing along. Although I enjoy the movie as light entertainment with some catchy songs, I had to skip that version!
Here is the most common criteria by which film critics seem to be judged nowadays:
1.If the film critic’s opinion of a film differs from my own, it is because the film critic is a pretentious asshole that has no idea what they’re talking about.
2.If the film critic’s opinion of a film matches mine, it is because the film critic is a pretentious asshole that finally bothered to tell the truth.
If the “truth” is that Zookeeper is “fine entertainment”, we need more film critics who are liars and assholes.